Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Totally saw that coming, Mom

I was totally just waitin' for it. This past Saturday, my mom stated that she liked the blog and how well I write, but "when are you going to write something positive?"

My husband's immediate response was, "When something positive happens."

I explained to my mom, in typical kid-manner, "That's not the point, mom."

There are multiple points, besides something positive. The stepmom world is rough. Stepmoms are misunderstood. Every stepmom can relate to that, and every stepmom needs someone to relate to. I am information sharing- It's to inform, educate, and to simply tell my friends the latest without having to repeat it over and over to different people. Which is kind of a downer after a while. Now, I can just send them a link.

I don't feel it's entirely negative, either. The mere fact that I'm writing a blog, progressively thinking through the situations, and documenting the reality are intellectually positive for me. As soon as I told a co-worker friend that I had started a blog, he immediately exalted the decision as wonderful for me and cathartic. He's a writer, of course.

I also know of the positives in the situation, but those positives would not necessarily be apparent to anyone else when sharing some of the conflicts or situations I'm in.  For instance, I am fully aware from reading so many other books and stories that it is fairly rare to have a husband like I do. Husbands/Dads struggle in their second marriage, dealing with the pain of their children, the pain of a divorce and past decisions, plus the pain of a new wife they just want to be happy. They are stuck in the middle of so much trauma, and for my husband at least, too many women. We even only have one male cat- all of the rest of the pets from mouse to dog are female.

His support, understanding, and acceptance are extremely rare. He gets it from his mom, an inherent presence of God who created him and his character, and his love of his daughters. He makes his love for me clear on nearly a daily basis, and knows that the marriage has to come first in order to make this split family work. He never takes me for granted and does everything he can for me. He is pained that I have to struggle with this, and that his ex cannot move on and let him have love and a relationship with his children.

I am so lucky to have him, and I am dealing with being a stepmom because of my love for him. It's all for him.


  1. OMG! My dad said the same thing to me when I first started mine. He started telling me that I was reacting poorly and inappropriately, and how worried he was if the kids were reading it. I immediately told him if he doesn't like what I'm writing...don't read it. The kids don't read it, I keep my name out of it, and I only shared it with my family thinking it might help them better understand what I'm going through. Again...some people just don't understand :)

  2. Parents, and I've learned bosses/supervisors as well, don't get that you can limit access to people or be smart about what you post online. You also can be aware of the internet smarts of someone else you want to keep your messages away from. There's a difference between the hackers and the folks who were forced into using the infamous Internet. Then you have to judge the smarts of their friends...

    For the most part, you can limit access to anyone now. If you can't, you watch what you post. I read a while ago how much strife a stepmom experienced trying to keep a stepkid out of her special stepmom site account- so I know I need to keep it away from them. They're still into Webkinz and experiencing "chat" for the first time, so I'm good for now. Just keepin' my real name out of it...