Wednesday, January 26, 2011

It Is Different

When you meet someone and they tell you they have a kid or that they're a mom, you don't immediately have a flood of flashbacks about your own mom and suddenly experience a wave of anger, remorse, and whatever else you associated with your own mother- And then proceed to treat the person you're talking to as if they are your mom, just like your mom, and just as guilty as your mom for everything she did to you during your childhood.

Guess what happens to stepmoms? The above. Not from *everyone*, but from many. If a person has had a bad experience with their own stepmom, they immediately impose on you or assume that you are the same. Their emotions and beliefs about their own stepmom are suddenly how they see you, and they treat you accordingly.

And you get used to it. How sick is that? If you're a stepmom, you are USED TO and even EXPECT to be treated this way. I get looks, comments, and bizarrely inappropriate questions. Primarily from other women and mom's, of course, but there are many men out there who also had stepmoms, who they consider to be terrible.

Not to mention, I also somehow embody all of many wives' fears about their husband leaving them for another woman (or a younger, more fit, and employed woman, to be specific). Which means that I also am somehow responsible for whatever happened in my husband's first marriage, and usually the assumption is "affair." Which we all know that in the woman's world, the "other woman" is somehow entirely at fault for a horrible marriage falling part, rather than both of the married parties. So given that immediate assumption, no matter how completely uninformed and lacking, a stepmom also embodies all of her husband's faults and the reason for the first marriage's demise. IMMEDIATELY added to this is that the stepmom is, in fact, the REASON for the horrible life of the children. Not that there may be any evidence of such a horrible life, but many moms with these fears immediately assume that the children must be suffering greatly given this stepmom and the divorce. (Along with this is also the belief, that I'm seeing more and more actually, that stepmoms are incapable of any "mothering" or parenting, since they themselves were not knocked up with these specific children.)

To recap: ANY Stepmom's first impression with the majority of women = Affair (slut/homewrecker/tramp) + THE Cause of Divorce + Ruining children's lives

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