Monday, November 19, 2012

Herein Lies the Difference

The logic behind the fight: Many moms believe that kids should never see dad if he decided to end the marriage. It's often masked in pithy, highly unsupported arguments of: He's violent . He's angry. Stepmom is bad. They need mom/and siblings need each other. ...But often without any valid proof or real, impartial witnesses with these assertions. They feel left at the alter, completely slighted and back stabbed, whether that is pretty much what happened or not.  In reality, there's a number of common occurrences we know as true:  He may have tried to make the relationship work for years, but due to her lack of participation or her anger or her violence, he had to go...Or it just really was a bad marriage, both parties are to blame. Maybe he was a really bad guy, because there are a lot of bad people out there- of both sexes.) But no matter the spouse's part in it, it may take many decades to realize it or take ownership in their part of the marriage failure, if ever. Until there's any type of maturity, its all his fault he left the family, he's the bad man no matter his blatant logic.We also accept that story immediately, from complete strangers, and pity the poor woman we're talking to, completely accepting her truth.

Given that he "left", the entire family (of the mom's side) does not think he 'deserves' the children. He broke the family, therefore he is bad, therefore he shouldn't have them, BECAUSE he didn't stay in the marriage... Circular , flawed reasoning that begs the question.

So, its not because he hurt the children, was abusive, violent, or actually unfit to parent....Though random justifications are often tossed about. Its that he left the marriage and therefore deserves to suffer a greater loss of losing his children. As punishment.

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