Its OK to go to your room and let your hubby have time with his kids.
Its OK to go out.
Its OK to do things on your own, even though your husband wants you to "be a part of the family." Tell him you'll be a part of the family tomorrow.
Sometimes you just need to walk away and be in your own realm, where less crazy happens (hopefully).
Its OK to wish you had your own kids. It's OK to look into adoption. It's OK to ask to go out with friends on the night when the skids are coming over.
It's OK to take yourself out to the restaurant you miss.
Its OK to let him be with his kids tonight. And even tomorrow.
Its OK to ask him to take the skids out to a festival today, while you read, rest, exercise, and whatever you haven't been doing in ages.
Its OK to read the paper in peace.
Its OK to watch your favorite TV show that bores everyone else in the house.
Speaking of which, its OK to put a TV in your bedroom but not in the kids' rooms, so you can have your own sanity.
Its OK to put some headphones on and listen to your happy music at the game so you don't have to listen to your husband's ex scream out nonsense.
Its OK to support your skids in your own way and not attend everything.
Its OK to drop your skids off at practice, run an errand, and then come back to get them.
Its OK to take your skids to events that you want to go to. Normal kids go with their parents to things that the parents want to go to; just because you're a stepmom, or because you have limited custody, doesn't mean that the kids can't learn to deal at events that aren't all about them!
Its OK to ask your husband to enforce things. It's OK to ask him to eat vegetables in front of them so they know that even Dad eats vegetables. It's OK to ask that your husband turn down the volume on the video game, so that you don't flipppppp out!
Its OK to get your stepkids into your things. It's OK to introduce them to your world, and maybe one day, it will change their lives.
Its OK to ask your stepkids to bring their friends over, so you can get to know your skids in another (sometimes super weird...) way.
Its OK to volunteer at your skids' school, if you want to. Its OK to cheer them on, your own way.
Its OK to retreat. Its OK to not want to see one of your steps for a bit. Its OK to ask that your husband deal with it and not you.
And, at the same time, its OK for you to develop a relationship with your skids.
Its OK. Just be OK. Know that you are OK. You are not crazy, insane, or the only one. We have been through it before, too. We're here for you, and feel free to message me or join those stepmom groups out there so you can truly see how not-alone you are.
Its OK to completely disregard the advice of people who have nooooo clue.