I'll slowly explain the title of my blog here and there. I decided to start with here.
My husband wants me to be a good, or maybe all the way to great, stepmom. . He's a supportive husband, a loving husband, and an understanding husband. He wasn't wrong to expect the most from me, because most of my life I've prided myself of going "above & beyond"- or at least trying really damn hard. I expected the same of myself- to be a good, or maybe great, stepmom.
But I'm increasingly thinking I need to back down from all the "trying" and come up with other things to do, like hiding in my room writing a blog, perhaps. Facebook games have an amazing appeal at this juncture. I've hit that point where maybe trying to be a good stepmom is causing backwards progress. Being present is more than likely hurting his relationship with the kids.
So I wish I were a great stepmom. I wish I could be all the things my husband knows I could be, or maybe was, capable of. But I'm falling short, and I don't know that there's a recovery other than changing myself or increasingly fading into the background.