Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Equal Shared Parenting

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The experts say it over and over again: children thrive when they have both parents, and the most of both parents. It's not about which spouse hurt who, and who's to blame for the divorce, although I hear a whole lot of that from people I know personally and who are also good parents. If experts in child health say that both parents, if both are fit, willing, and able, should have equal parts in childrens' lives, then when are we going to see a change in the courts?

I happen to live in a state in which the legislature has set forth precedent that both parents maintain equal custody if they are both fit, willing, and able. Then why, as Alec Baldwin puts it, is it actually a "fight for your right to equal" state?


  1. I have to agree with your statement. I happen to live in a state where the law states that the mother is to maintain custody of the child unless she agrees to share equal parenting with the dad. So unless the mom agrees to equal parenting the dad doesn't even get to fight for the right to share parenting. I know some men that agreed to pay double the child support and alimony just so they get to see their children and have equal parenting and my best friend willing gave her ex shared parenting because she believes it's the best for the children. I also know my husband spent over 20K to get 30% parenting time and in the end it was about money, not what was best for the child, but mom wanted more of the "marrital property" and money. I read from someone else that it seems like this, it takes a villiage but only if the villiage does not include the dad to raise children.

  2. I love that last line of your comment. That is exactly what I have seen repeatedly. My skids are taken care of by anyone on their mom's side of the family first, as long as it's not someone related to their dad. Their dad has stayed nearby to take care of them and raise them, but she refuses to call or ask for help from him. I tell the kids that in other marriages, the couples literally just call each other and say things like "Hey, can you pick her up today? I can't make it." IMAGINE that! Instead, they are passed off to everyone else. He has even asked to take care of them when he knew in advance that she wouldn't be able to. Ignored. So yes, the village EXCEPT the dad.