Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The Worst Kind of Mom

As a stepmom, the worst kind of (bio)mom you could be given is one who had children to make up for her own lack of self-esteem and purpose in life.

And that's how you become the enemy simply because you exist.


  1. Wow, where was this when I was asked..."How will u become the enemy? If u do, u did it to urself by thinking the way u do." Said to me by my spiteful brother in law on an old blog posting. I would hace loved to quote u! Very well said!

  2. Nearly all stepmoms are the enemy by threatening their mom-hood. Some get over it or their intellect fights it, because they know they're still the mom and that the stepmom isn't. But for many, it either takes years or they never have had the brain to handle divorce and it's repercussions. Not that any woman (or man) should be "prepared" for divorce and stepparents parenting their children, but some women decide to man up, be strong, live and learn...While others just can't. Like...I represent all that is bad in the world, I'm pretty sure. The fact that I love my husband is testament to her enough. She never loved him, so there's something wrong with me...therefore I am bad.

    Or some sort of bizarre rhetoric like that.

  3. That is pretty bizarre, the mind (well some BM's minds) is a curious thing, lol ... well I hope that I don't have a mom like that. I don't have the patience for stupidity, nor do I know how to bite my tongue (bad I know). We don't start our involvement with SD4 until this weekend, they were never married so its been/still is a process. So only time will tell ... I'm still new to the game.

  4. Oh yes, time will tell- You're exactly right. Things could be fine for a bit, then get bad, then be fine again... You won't know. And hopefully since they were never married, things might be better. I think you're probably better off. You never know. I think things were OK for us until a few months into the marriage. Before that, during the dating period, it was OK. The usual story is that the biomom will chill after a few years or if she finds a husband, but there aren't any statistics you could go off of there... Usually she has some sort of snapping point, like she hated that you taught the kid something she thinks she should have...Or the marriage itself, because she was hoping it wouldn't actually happen. Or it's when you have a kid together. There's one I've read about from other stepmoms. The jealousy dragon rears....

    There's a lot of us out there, that chose the man even with the mess, so don't forget about your support. And one cool thing- you'll find out that a lot more women than you think are stepmoms or were at some point. It's almost like a secret...Watch out for the knowing look they give... =)

  5. I am just finding this blog today, so forgive my very late comment!

    I agree with you 100%. The BM in our situation is completely infatuated with me, yet claims to hate my very soul. It doesn't add up. I have long felt that her hostility stems from recognizing, on some level, her inadequacies as a parent and her jealousy of my ability to take care of the children, as well as jealousy that I am with a man who stopped loving her for obvious reasons (she chose to leave, and has emotionally abused the children ever since).

    For the worst BM's, the stepmom is a reminder of what she is supposed to be. Of course that doesn't apply to all BM's or all stepmoms, but I do believe it applies to the most hostile, hateful BM's who are willing to use the kids as tools and pawns.

  6. Ah, there's never any "late" with an always present blog... =) Thanks for elaborating on my really short post. I knew stepmoms would know exactly what I meant and see it right away.